


Sleeping Lessons

by rogueshadows



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueshadows/pseuds/rogueshadows
Summary: 5 Times Bodhi Rook Slept With His Friends (Platonically) + 1 Time He Wanted More
Relationships: (Endgame), Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker
Comments: 17
Kudos: 126





	1. K-2SO

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be adding sleepy friend characters as the chapters get posted! This fic is mostly a lot of cuddling, as the summary would hint, but there is a lot of pining throughout and a few background ships yet to come. All the thanks in the galaxy to ANTchan for beta'ing! :D
> 
> Titled after The Shins song of the same name.

Bodhi turns on the thin mattress for the umpteenth time, settling onto his back with a sigh. He stares up at the low bunk ceiling, listening to the unbothered sound of Luke breathing, and wishes he could do the same. That there weren’t so many impossible thoughts stuck in his head about everything in his life that’s changed so fast. He worries about too many things; that he’s not fitting in the right way, that he’ll screw up on his next flight test and find himself left behind, and most of all, about Cassian. Cassian who’s been off base for close to a month now. 22 days. Not that Bodhi’s keeping count. 

The weight of wondering where he is, knowing there’s no possible way he’d even be able to check in, settles heavy in his chest, too heavy to sleep through. He sits up and takes a deep breath, tries to center himself in all the ways Chirrut has taught him. But this time it isn’t enough, not even close, and lying there alone with his thoughts isn’t helping anything. He slips out of the room as quietly as he can, knowing Luke will only worry too much if he wakes. 

Bodhi wanders the halls of the base, past others just beginning their nightly shifts. With unspoken understanding, none of them pay him much mind, letting him pass unbothered until he realizes where his feet have carried him. His internal compass has played a cruel trick, one he might have realized sooner if he wasn’t so thoroughly exhausted, bringing him right to Cassian’s door. Another fretful reminder that Cassian isn’t _there,_ that in all likelihood he’s placed himself in danger. That he might not come back.

Bodhi takes a step forward, leaning against the door, eyes screwed shut at the thought, trying to smother the dread in his chest. He’ll leave in a moment, he thinks, hoping Cassian never finds out just how pathetic Bodhi’s become in their short time apart. He feels pathetic even thinking of it, until suddenly the door swishes open from under him. He nearly falls flat on his face, stumbling to catch himself on the doorframe. He frowns up at K-2SO, who stands before him, his photoreceptors bright and his head tilted in question.

“Cassian is not here,” Kay states, almost carefully. He’s watching Bodhi, blatantly taking stock, having been witness to enough of Bodhi’s past breakdowns to know this just might be a sign of it.

“I know that,” Bodhi sighs, not bothering to tamp down his disappointment. Kay wouldn’t push, not unless Bodhi asked for help outright.

“It’s well past average human sleeping hours for your shift and you’ve interrupted my recharging cycle. Why are you here then?”

Bodhi feels bad for disturbing him, but not bad enough to go back on his own just yet.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“So you tried to against Cassian’s door?” 

“Not exactly,” Bodhi says, quietly amused in spite of how pathetic he feels, if a bit exasperated by Kay’s snark. It’s one of the things Bodhi has always liked best about Kay, in truth, especially when it makes Cassian smile. His inflection must reveal more than intended, because Kay takes a step back, a sweep of his metal arm a silent offer, making way for Bodhi to enter the room. 

Bodhi should really go back to his own room, should argue that it’s an invasion of privacy when Cassian isn’t around, but the words won’t come. He can’t deny how much the thought of just being there, with Kay, is helping ease the tightness in his chest. He takes a step inside and the door swishes back shut behind him.

Kay covers the distance of the small room in only a couple strides, back to his charging station. “I take it you are concerned about Cassian’s well being on his mission,” Kay says as he plugs back in, taking a seat on the trunk at the end of Cassian’s bunk. 

“Aren’t you?” Bodhi asks, taking in the room he’s rarely been in before, hoping he’s not overstepping too much. There’s hardly a personal touch to it, aside from Kay’s charging station, everything else left as plain as the day they moved into the new base. Still, it’s Cassian’s boots at the closet door, his jackets hung behind it, the few things he’s ever had a chance to hold on to. 

“I am confident in his abilities, if annoyed that I was left behind.”

“I’d feel a lot better if you were with him,” Bodhi admits, “Not that worrying does any use. He’d tell us both that if he were here.” After some internal hemming and hawing, he sits down on the bed, careful not to disturb the covers too much. He won’t stay here long, he shouldn’t. 

“If he were here there wouldn’t be cause for worry in the first place,” Kay remarks, as close to sulking as Bodhi reckons a droid can get. 

“You know what I mean, Kay.”

There’s a beat of silence, where there’s really nothing else to be said. Nothing that won’t reveal too much. Kay might be a droid, unversed in human problems like _crushes_ , but Bodhi knows he’s never been afraid to infer about Cassian’s relationships in the past.

“I think he would be just as concerned for your lack of sleep in his absence,” Kay says, catching Bodhi off guard.

“Yeah well...I’ll be alright,” Bodhi says, at a loss.

“Without a full cycle of sleep you-”

Bodhi stands, rubbing a hand over his face to tangle in his hair. “You’re right, I’ll just head back to mine.”

“Nonsense. The bedding is the same in all the barracks. Cassian would not mind you using his.”

Bodhi’s cheeks heat at the thought. Knowing he’s already made himself too at home, he flounders. “And you?”

“I have no particular preference.” Kay pauses, and then adds simply, “I’m quite used to Cassian being around.”

Bodhi reads between the lines, past Kay’s monotone delivery, realizing with sudden clarity that he might not be so alone in his loneliness after all.

“I’ll stay,” he says, too tired to fight himself on the matter. It’s not as if it’s really that intimate, he reminds himself, not in the barracks where one room really is just the same as the next. He gets up to untuck the blankets from the mattress, grabbing Cassian’s pillow from its place at the top of the bed. Kay watches him, seemingly out of remarks now that Bodhi’s agreed to stay. Bodhi sets the pillow down at the foot of the bed, closer to Kay, still unwilling to voice just how much the closeness is appreciated. 

Bodhi climbs into the bunk and the moment his head is tucked into the pillow he has to hold back a sigh, the familiar scent of Cassian hitting him all at once, a reminder of just where he is, and who he’s missing. As desperate as it feels, he breathes in, savoring it. It somehow makes things easier when he shuts his eyes, focusing on sense memory and the fact that Cassian will be home soon. That even though he can’t check in, wherever he is, that he must want to still.

Bodhi muffles a shaky breath in the pillowcase, trying not to let his anxieties eke back in, only to startle at the touch of Kay’s hand on his shoulder. It’s the barest pressure as he tugs the blanket up further over Bodhi, leaving his hand settled gently. There’s a soft whirr of his internal fans and when Bodhi peers over in the dim light he can see Kay’s photoreceptors shining through the dark. 

“Sleep now. We can check for a signal from Cassian in the morning,” Kay says, letting his hand drag over Bodhi’s back comfortingly, before retracting the touch.

“Thank you,” Bodhi breathes, the tightness in his chest lessening with the words. His lids fall shut again as exhaustion catches up, the pressure of everything else quelled by the comfort of knowing he’s not alone.

“Goodnight Bodhi.”


	2. Han and Leia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi is a little drunk, Luke and Wedge are terrible friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to ANTchan for beta'ing this ridiculous mess! <3

“That’s _not_ what I said!” Bodhi laughs, pushing at Luke’s shoulder as they leave the rec room, half stumbling himself with the effort. Wedge is on the other side of him though, ready to right Bodhi before he falls, the liquor messing with his equilibrium more than Bodhi would ever admit. If Luke’s silly smile and giddy laughter is anything to go by, he’s not exactly unaffected either.

“Sorry Rook, I’ve seen the way you look at Cassian with his clothes _on_ enough times to believe it,” Wedge says, even as he holds Bodhi up. Bodhi flushes at his friends’ insinuation, trying and failing to come up with a defense, reason blurred in the haze. The night out with the squadron had been _fun_ before this sudden ambush. Bodhi’s limbs feel too heavy as he moves, turning to glare at his friend. He just wants to sleep it off and forget the entire ridiculous conversation, and maybe smother Luke a little bit.

“Who fixes up a ship without a shirt on anyway?” Bodhi murmurs, not making matters any better if Luke’s renewed giggles are anything to go by. Bodhi pouts.

“If he were here you could ask him, Bodhi, and tell him just how much you looove him,” Luke continues until Wedge hushes him, giving Bodhi some reprieve. Good, solid, warm Wedge, who Bodhi just wraps around further out of spite for Luke. 

“Hey, s’my boyfriend,” Luke whines, as expected, and Bodhi only presses his face into Wedge’s shoulder smugly. Wedge, for his part, only sighs, accepting the weight of Bodhi as they all amble along down the hall. They’re halfway through the hangar when Luke rounds the other side of Wedge, tugging him away from Bodhi to whisper something furtively in his ear. Bodhi pulls back, rebalancing himself out of Wedge’s hold, straining to listen but failing to make out anything from the soft rush of Luke’s words. Wedge flushes, at whatever it is, and straightens up, eying Bodhi speculatively.

 _“What?”_ Bodhi asks, feeling a bit restless, not caring that he’s pouting again.

“Hey, uh, would you look at that. It’s the Falcon!” Luke gestures broadly, flinging an arm out towards the open gangplank of Han’s ship. Bodhi blinks in the dim light, frowning.

“And?” Bodhi narrows his eyes, wondering if his current state is making him miss something obvious, or if Luke is just that much farther gone.

“Well, I was thinking...how about we uh, check in on Han?”

“...Han?” 

“Yeah, he owes...he owes you a game of sabacc! Remember you said you could beat him drunk and blindfolded last time? Now’s as good a chance as any and it’s so early still.”

“Yeah?” Bodhi mulls it over, considering the Falcon’s lounge and how much closer it is than his and Luke’s quarters. He did love a chance to show off, especially to the smug smuggler. Bodhi snorts at his own thought, and Wedge raises an eyebrow in question, not nearly as talkative as Luke now. “Yeah, c’mon,” Bodhi agrees, and they trail along as far as the gangplank to the ship. 

“You head up first, see if he’s around,” Luke insists, pushing Bodhi forward. He stumbles and can only offer a pinched look, confused and still tired. Maybe he should just head back anyw-

“Luke,” Wedge sighs, cutting off Bodhi’s train of thought, but then Luke is pressing into Wedge’s space, resting a head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Luke was always so touchy-feely when drunk, only made worse now that he knew Wedge’s feelings were reciprocated. Bodhi makes a face and waves them off.

“You’re right, I’ll find Han first. Don’t...don’t have sex on the gangplank.” Bodhi salutes and turns before either of them can scold him for the comment, ambling onboard the ship. The lights come off with the motion sensor and Bodhi blinks at the harshness of it. He makes his way into the lounge, only to find it empty. 

“Solo?” he calls out, balancing himself against the wall. “Chewbacca?” 

Bodhi blinks at the chrono on the wall and it can’t be right, Luke just said it wasn’t so late. Then again, Luke drank half a cask more than Bodhi. Maybe Han had night shift, or maybe he was sleeping, like Bodhi should be. Kriff. A few more moments passed and Luke and Wedge don’t follow, probably sucking face like mynocks where he’d left them. It isn’t something he’s interested in investigating, not now. Han has to have a guest quarters somewhere anyway, and the ship is quiet, calmer than the barracks. Bodhi makes his way along the wall, careful not to catch his feet in the dizzying grating of the ships floor, until he finds a door control.

“Aha,” Bodhi triumphs, pressing the door pad blindly. It opens to a dark room, the sole bunk piled with blankets. Perfect and inviting. The mattress is twice as wide as the ones in the barracks, and if he just gets a little sleep Bodhi will be up and gone before Han even knows he crashed there. Bodhi settles at the edge and is struggling to undo the knotted laces of his stubborn boot when he hears a sharp curse from a familiar voice, feels the blankets being tugged out from under him, setting him off balance just enough that he tips onto the floor.

“That hurt,” Bodhi frowns, rubbing at his elbow where it banged into something. He sits up gingerly, only to find _Leia_ glaring at him hard. What is she doing in Han’s guest quarters? He’s never seen her hair down before, and now it cascades low over her shoulders, down the soft lacy front of her nightgown.

“Han,” Leia whispers the name harshly, patting the space on the bed behind her fervently.

“What, ouch Leia, alright, alright, I’m awake what’s the --- _Rook?_ ” Han furrows his brow, gazing past Leia’s shoulder down to where Bodhi is stuck on the floor, gaze darting between the two of them in slow realization. _Oh._

He owes Wedge 20 credits, kriff.

“I was looking for the guest cabin,” Bodhi explains, trying to stand and failing.

“I don’t have a guest cabin --- what in the --- are you drunk?”

“A little,” Bodhi admits, resting his head against the dresser behind him. The fall to the floor had only made the world blur more. He shuts his eyes and when he opens them Leia’s mouth is pressed into a thin line still. He’s in so much trouble. Leia could get him grounded from the squadron for this, or _killed_. Well, she probably wouldn’t but… she could. “Just wanted to sleep.”

Bodhi knows he sounds pathetic from the way Leia’s expression changes, from something angry to more… lightly exasperated. She turns to Han and then there’s more whispering, and Bodhi really wishes people would stop doing that. After a moment he hears Han let out a sigh.

“Well, c’mon then,” Han speaks and Leia lifts up the covers. Bodhi averts his eyes from her pale knees, the innocuous sight still too intimate, making his skin heat. 

_“What?”_ Bodhi understands, sort of, but not enough to follow through and take the offer. 

Leia lets out a frustrated sound, patting the empty space of the mattress.

“Just get in, Bodhi. You look exhausted and the bed is big enough,” Leia explains, more gently than Bodhi had been expecting. “But if you breathe a word of _this_ ,” --- she gestures vaguely at Han, who lets out a defensive _‘hey’_ \--- “to anyone you’re dead.”

“Are you sure I’m not already dead?”

“You will be if you don’t listen to her already,” Han murmurs, only to have Leia elbow him, her amusement clear even in the dim light. Bodhi manages to lever himself up from the ground and do as he’s told. Any anxieties he holds are banished as he sinks into the soft mattress, curling up at Leia’s side. Keeping his distance is hardly an option, even in the broad bed, especially not when Leia resettles around him, turning so her back is against Han’s chest. Han wraps his arm around her, his hand settling at Bodhi’s hip. 

“Cozy enough for you?” Han teases, meeting Bodhi’s eyes over Leia’s head. Bodhi can’t help but smile as she tucks her head against his neck.

“Mmm, yeah,” Bodhi says, letting his eyes fall closed, snuggling closer to Leia. Now that he’s realized she doesn’t mind it, it’s not so scary at all. Han huffs a quiet laugh and it’s the last sound Bodhi hears as he drifts off.


	3. Wedge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi goes on a mission with Wedge and Luke and there's way more relationship drama than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to ANTchan for beta'ing as always! <3

When Bodhi is first asked to join Luke and Wedge on a mission, after months of being holed up working on ships, his immediate reaction is relief. Finally a chance to be with his friends for longer than the scant time between shifts, clear of the boredom of the new base and its harsh climate, and best of all: free of the rampant gossip. Bodhi might not mind that part quite so much if he wasn’t so often caught in the center of it lately. You spend _one night_ on the Falcon and… well, the assertions surrounding that night seemed to spiral out of control. Enough that he had friends and strangers alike raising eyebrows his way and studying him. It’s especially difficult when he can’t manage to stop his face from heating each time, all too aware of how that only makes matters _worse_.

So, to put it lightly, he’s grateful for the escape; even if it means throwing himself back into the fray. It makes him feel trusted, a reminder that outside of the minutiae of the base he could maybe make a real difference. With the details in hand and the ship well checked over, Bodhi flies himself, Wedge, and Luke out to Corellia with ease, his esteem growing with every deft moment spent at the helm. He relays the right codes to get them on the planet with only a bit of trepidation. They land at the docks in the late afternoon, far enough from their real destination that they shouldn’t be tracked back to it. The speeder their contact has arranged is waiting for them in the spaceport’s lot and it seems like everything might just go off without a hitch if they’re lucky. 

If it feels strange for Wedge to be back on his home planet, he doesn’t let it show. He bickers with Luke as usual, having a gentle argument over who should drive them to the hotel, until Luke finally concedes to let his boyfriend behind the wheel. Bodhi piles into the backseat of the speeder, checking for the umpteenth time that his comm is still attached to his belt, just to be sure before they leave the ship behind. 

“Just try to drive casual, alright? I don’t even think this model has seatbelts...” Bodhi has witnessed too many of their X-Wing stunts to trust blindly. 

Wedge throws an innocent smile over his shoulder, not offended in the slightest. “No promises, but I’ll try. Might look out of place if I drive too carefully.”

Bodhi takes a look at the hectic speeder traffic around them and begrudgingly has to agree. They drive a few blocks and there’s little incident, other than Bodhi clinging to his seat. They make it past the rush of the center, taking a circuitous route of side streets and alleys, meant to throw of anyone who had managed to see them at the dock. It’s a tedious part of the trip but it’s necessary, extra security demanded by their contact when they agreed to meet up in the first place. 

Unfortunately, what was meant to keep them safer is actually what throws the biggest wrench into their plans. At the end of the alley they’ve cut through there’s an unexpected checkpoint, a few troopers standing in the road, waving people down for inspection. Before Wedge can back out or change route they’re spotted, leaving them no other choice but to go through.

“We have scandocs, it should be fine,” Luke says quietly before they reach the first trooper, tucking his hood up further all the same. Luke tucks his lightsaber under his seat before fixing his gaze ahead, with the same quiet determination as Wedge. Bodhi fidgets, taking his scandocs out of the pouch at his side, trying to keep his cool. In the end it doesn’t matter though, not when the scanner beeps an ominous tone at Wedge’s ID, the light flashing red in rejection.

Too many things happen at once for Bodhi to react, the trooper pointing his blaster at them and ordering them out of the speeder. Before Bodhi can even move to comply, Luke quickly jolts to action, jumping from the speeder and calling his saber to his hand in a fluid motion. The fight that ensues between him and the troopers is a blur. Wedge shouts for Bodhi to stay down, firing off a few shots of his own into the fray, until somehow it’s all over.

Bodhi breathes, impossibly relieved that they’re all alright. The repercussions, however, are a bit more complicated. Wedge stands close to Luke at the mouth of the alley, with an unmistakably disappointed look in his eyes. Luke steps away first, reclaiming the passenger seat of the speeder. Trying to break through the tension Bodhi volunteers to drive the rest of the way, and to his surprise, Wedge lets him. 

It’s a moment of calm before the storm and then, just as they’re setting off, the argument begins. It’s Luke who speaks first, cutting through Wedge’s tense silence. “What’s wrong?” 

“You really think pulling a stunt like that was the best way out of the situation? Your face is all over the holos, anyone could have seen. I can’t believe you’d be so reckless.” 

“Reckless? We could have all been shot! Or they could have called for backup and rounded us up. I made a judgment call and it went pretty alright if you ask me.”

“Yeah, this time. You jump into the fray before you even _consider_ another way out, like it doesn’t even matter.”

The argument only gets worse from there, and Bodhi tries his best to tune it out, not wanting to put himself between the two. He keeps his eyes on the road as he drives the speeder toward the hotel, stress mounting as Luke and Wedge’s voices grow sharp, not quite rising but resentful all the same. The relief of surviving the fight fades quickly, even as Bodhi tries to cling to the positive, hoping the fight between them won’t last the whole mission.

Luke is too defensive and Wedge perhaps too harsh and suddenly, Bodhi thinks, he’d much rather be on base fielding questions about how Han is in bed. Bodhi fights the urge to interject, not wanting to make matters worse. By the time they reach the hotel the fight has simmered into uncomfortable silence. One that Luke is apparently all too eager to leave. The moment they’ve parked Luke is out of the speeder, wrapping his cloak around him, not meeting Wedge’s hard gaze. 

“I’ll comm when I’ve met our friend.”

“I thought...alright?” Bodhi says. “Are you sure you should go on your own?”

“I’ll be fine,” Luke says stubbornly, turning to go before Wedge or Bodhi can further argue the point. Bodhi follows the sight of Luke moving through the crowd for as long as he can, until he disappears into it completely. He looks over to see that Wedge was doing the same, only moving to the trunk for their things when Luke is truly gone.

“Wed...I mean, Warrick,” Bodhi recovers quickly, glancing around, probably overly cautious.

Wedge just shakes his head, dismissing Bodhi’s concerns gently. “Not now.”

Bodhi gives a quiet nod, for lack of anything else to say, following Wedge inside to check in.

It’s a while before they’re settled in completely, going through mission protocol to send out a coded message back to base, confirming their safe arrival. Wedge still seems on edge, shaken by Luke’s sudden departure. Bodhi still doesn’t know what to say, unsure if anything would help. Wedge had his fair points but… part of Bodhi can’t help but understand Luke too. 

While Luke’s actions often came off as brash, there is still something to be said for trusting the Force from time to time. As naive as it might seem, Bodhi still carries that faith. If not from his upbringing alone, then from the countless times they’d all survived the impossible. When Luke had drawn his lightsaber, right out in the open, Wedge had only seen the danger in it, the risk that Luke could lose more than the fight. What Bodhi had seen instead was the sheer will in Luke’s eyes, the unshakable strength, a power that anyone would be remiss to underestimate. It reminded him of Chirrut, and all the followers of the temple, the bone deep commitment to let the light take lead. 

And yes, watching Luke take down the stormtroopers had been terrifying in the moment but still, Luke had done it. It was amazing to see, Bodhi thought brightly, before seeing the look on Wedge’s face. 

Now, sitting in their cramped hotel room, that same look is etched firmly in Wedge’s features. Stuck like the building worry in Bodhi’s heart, that this rift between Wedge and Luke might not be something so easy to fix. It hurts more knowing there’s little he can do to help it, at least not until Luke returns. Bodhi watches Wedge and can almost feel the exhaustion rolling off of him, the days of travel and hours spent in emotional strife seeming to take their toll. 

Wedge hasn’t admitted it out loud but Bodhi knows he’s waiting for the comm to ping, that in spite of the argument and the hurt in his eyes when Luke left, Wedge will _always_ wait for Luke. Bodhi has been there too many times, waiting for his ownlovelong enough to know just how that feels. Despite that, there’s really no reason for them both to stay up.

Bodhi stands from the stiff arm chair in the corner, stretching his back as best he can before making his move towards the bed. Wedge manages only a faltering hint of a smile, looking to Bodhi expectantly.

“Hey,” Bodhi says gently, “it’s getting pretty late.” 

“And Luke’s not back,” Wedge answers, the words edged with blatant anxiety, anticipating another line of conversation entirely. “You don’t think something happened to him?” 

Bodhi shakes his head, off guard and honest when he says, “No, no, nothing like that. If he wasn’t alright-”

“We wouldn’t know.”

“He would _comm_.” Bodhi puts as much confidence as he can into the words. For Wedge’s sake and for his own peace of mind. Bodhi holds up the comm in admittedly awkward punctuation before he continues. “I wasn’t actually going to talk about Luke, you know?”

As it turns out, Wedge isn’t the only one who’s overtired, the words coming out more frustrated than Bodhi means them to. Wedge deflates before Bodhi can even attempt to soften the sentiment. “I’m sorry, Bodhi. I know none of this has been very fair to you.” 

It’s a thoughtful misunderstanding, but it’s disheartening nonetheless. Bodhi takes a seat on the bed beside Wedge, close enough to nudge his shoulder lightly.

“I wasn’t going to talk about _me_ either,” Bodhi says, trying to salvage his point. “You look exhausted.”

Wedge huffs a mirthless dry laugh. “Do I?”

“Yes, you do, and you that’s why you should sleep,” Bodhi says, exasperated and already preparing for the argument ahead.

“I’m fine,” Wedge defends weakly, sighing when Bodhi continues to look on dubiously. “I just need to talk to him.”

“You will,” Bodhi manages, keeping his voice soft. “He’ll be back before morning and you’ll be no use to anyone if you’re dead on your feet.” Wedge’s frown deepens.

“I can manage. It’s not like there aren’t two other incredibly skilled pilots on this trip.”

“You’d really leave the flying to a couple of offworlders around here? If that’s the case, we’re just as likely to get caught up in syndicate territory on a wrong turn as we are for the Empire to spot us.” Bodhi’s joking, mostly, trying to spark a bit of levity. With an unimpressed look from Wedge, it doesn’t seem to be working. “Are the Hutts still in control round these parts? I think Luke knows a bit of Hutteese-”

“Alright, I get the point. I’m just here to navigate, so I might as well be at the top of my game tomorrow.” Bodhi could leave it at that, with Wedge’s begrudging agreement to rest, but the flippant assertion raises too much concern.

“That’s hardly the _only_ reason you’re here,” Bodhi starts, only to be met with Wedge’s dubious glance. “Yes, it’s great that you know the planet so well, but… you must know Luke needs you.”

“Actually, I think he proved perfectly well just how much he _doesn’t_ need me today.”

“What?” Bodhi furrows his brow, barely pausing as he tries to set Wedge straight. “Luke asked you on this mission because he trusts you, above practically everyone, to have his back! And I know it’s not my place to butt in but... you love each other. Unless I’m mistaken?”

“Sometimes that’s not enough, Bo,” Wedge starts, gaze flicking away from Bodhi, down to his own hands. “There’s still a war going on, one we both signed up to fight with eyes wide open. I used to think there wasn’t anything else in the whole galaxy for me but that fight, but then… Luke waltzed in and offered me more, for the first time in my life. He’s worth more to the Alliance than ten of me and I just-” 

“You _know_ Luke doesn’t think that, and nobody who actually matters does either.” 

“That doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Wedge,” Bodhi starts, at a dreadful loss for all the impossibly sincere things he could say, certain they’d only fall on deaf ears. He takes a deep breath through his nose. “I’m trying really hard not to reach out and physically shake you right now.”

That, at least, earns him a laugh. Even if the smile that follows it is incredibly lackluster. “I appreciate the restraint. Like I said, I know this isn’t fair to you.” 

“Stop apologizing for your feelings or I just might lose that restraint,” Bodhi says seriously, wishing he had the right words to fix any of this. More than that, wishing Luke was there so Bodhi could shake _him_ too.

“So --- let me get this straight --- you think you and Luke shouldn’t be together because he’s too good and too important to you. Tell me, how exactly does that make sense?”

“I’m not the only one he’s important to.”

“You can’t possibly be jealous,” Bodhi scoffs, “I know you better than that.”

“No, nothing like that. I’m just trying to be honest.”

“I still don’t follow,” Bodhi says, perplexed as to where all this was coming from. Back on base things had always seemed so steady between Luke and Wedge, and now, it seems they’re barely managing. He’s been on a few missions since he’s seen them, but could Bodhi really have missed that much?

“Listen, I’ve always known that he was going to be something great. I just thought I’d be more ready for it.” Wedge starts and Bodhi is already frowning at the implication. “Today... I’ve never seen him so _focused_ , so unafraid of being hurt. And I know it’s selfish to let that bother me, and that any of us would throw our lives on the line for the Alliance but…”

“With him it’s different,” Bodhi finishes, almost plaintively, wishing his own thoughts didn’t stray so pointedly to Cassian. The one person in the galaxy he could see himself being as lost over as Wedge is over Luke. He reels the notion back in before it can become too much of a distraction. (Certain that Cassian is alright, wherever he is. Hopeful that _someday_ that information might not be such a recurrently painful mystery.)

“It shouldn’t be, but it is.” Wedge goes quiet as soon as the words are out, at war with something Bodhi just can’t seem to touch. He tries anyway, asking the question he’s asked himself far too many times. 

“Why not?” 

Wedge doesn’t answer, retreating behind a tired expression that makes it hard for Bodhi to press any further. It’s only then that Bodhi remembers his aim in all this, to get Wedge to _rest_ , marveling at how much that’s backfired so far. Bodhi lets the conversation die, for all the good it’s done, hoping Luke will make the effort to fix things better. 

Just as soon as Luke gets back. With the comm still frustratingly quiet, there’s no way of knowing when that will be, or how long he’ll have to watch Wedge struggle through.

“Maybe I will catch some sleep,” Wedge says, after a beat, the fight from before evening out into something closer to detachment. When faced with the placid acceptance, Bodhi thinks that he might have actually preferred the fight. Still, Bodhi takes the hint, standing to give Wedge the space he’s so clearly asking for.

“Right, that’s good. I’ll just… keep listening.” 

Wedge nods, still not quite meeting Bodhi’s eyes. “Wake me when he checks in?”

“Of course.” Bodhi takes a step back from the bed, hating how stilted things feel between them. He turns away, ready to sit awake all night, just to be certain Luke is alright. Possibly to give him an earful for how he’s left things. A soft sound from Wedge draws his attention back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to stop feeling so sorry for myself, for both our sakes.” The way Wedge says it is easy and self deprecating, as if he’s trying to lessen the sting. Bodhi’s heart twists painfully in his chest and he has to rein in the urge not to do something stupid, like pull Wedge into a hug. 

“Hey, none of that. You’d do the same for me.” 

“Sure. Just as soon as you tell Cass-”

“Goodnight, Wedge,” Bodhi says, cutting Wedge off, reaching over to switch off the light in punctuation. It’s stupid really, to skirt the open secret, but at least Wedge laughs, with an answering _goodnight_. Just like that, a bit of the dread in Bodhi’s chest dissipates. Things still aren’t perfect by any stretch but at least Wedge doesn’t feel so out of reach.

Wedge curls up in the covers and settles, leaving Bodhi to his task. Bodhi sits at the window and watches the shimmer of lights in the distance, the noise of the factories below on constant lulling loop. Work never seemed to cease by the shoreline, steam clouds hovering thick on the horizon, air pollution and light blocking out even the brightest stars. Yet another planet the Empire had crushed for their needs. He listens for Luke and waits, wondering what could possibly be keeping him. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait too long for an answer, the comm finally sputtering to life in his hands with the muffled echo of Luke’s voice. 

“Raven, Warrick, you copy?”

“Yes, Lu-..Landrunner. I copy, we’re all good here. You?”

“I found our friend in the marketplace, he pushed things up with the buyers to tonight. I’ve already spoken with them.”

“On your own?” Bodhi is unable to keep the worry from his voice, frustrated that Luke would do something so risky without telling them. Going anywhere with a contact they just met, without any backup whatsoever, felt thoughtless and too naive to write off, even with Luke’s Jedi intuition. 

“Yeah, they’ve given me a place to stay for the night. To save me the trip.”

“I take it that… the sale… went well then?”

“Better than expected,” Luke says, somehow managing to sound aloof and smug all at once. “We can discuss the shares tomorrow?”

“If you’re sure about staying… we could come get you, you know. Start the trip home sooner.” If Bodhi could insist he would, but there are some things he knows he can’t just blurt out over the comm, like _‘you really upset your boyfriend, you jerk’_ and _‘on the way home I’m locking you in the cargo hold together until you fix things.’_ Some of the judgment must come through in Bodhi’s tone, if Luke’s guilty response is anything to go by.

“Thank you, but I’m sure. Don’t worry, alright? And tell… well, you know who to tell, that I’m sorry.” 

“Tell him yourself tomorrow,” Bodhi says, leaving no room for misunderstanding. “I mean it, alright?”

“Yeah,” Luke sighs down the line. “I’ll check in again in the morning.”

“Good. I’ll tell him that,” Bodhi knows he shouldn’t let the call stretch too long, especially not when he has no clue what to say, so he finishes it. “Goodnight then… over and out.”

“Over and out,” Luke repeats, the quiet static returning as soon as his voice fades out. 

Well, at least he’s alright, Bodhi reasons, despite how anxious the idea of him staying with strangers makes him feel. As for Wedge… Bodhi wonders if he should even wake him, glancing over to the bed. He’s startled to see that Wedge is already awake, leaning back on his elbows. Bodhi isn’t sure just how long he’s been like that or how much he’s heard.

“What did he have to say?” 

“He met with the contact already, said things went well. He’s staying with them overnight.”

“Do we know where exactly?”

Bodhi shakes his head, hating that he doesn’t have more to offer. “I’m not happy about it either but… he seemed alright.”

“He always does,” Wedge murmurs, letting his head fall back against his pillow. He stares up at the ceiling in the dark and Bodhi isn’t sure if it’s his cue to back off or- “You should get some sleep too.”

Bodhi knows he’s right, but the suddenness of the assessment still catches him off guard. “Probably, yeah.” The chair is comfortable enough to catch a few hours in, he thinks, but then Wedge is beckoning him over.

“There’s plenty of room, c’mon.”

At a loss, Bodhi accepts the offer, standing to kick off his boots. It’s not as if it’s his first time sharing a bed, obviously. Just the first time he’s done it with someone else’s boyfriend. Well, that isn’t strictly true, but Leia had been there for that. It hardly counted. _Would Leia even call Han her boyfriend?_

“Bo?” Wedge speaks, drawing Bodhi from his absurd thoughts. He lifts the blanket and Bodhi obliges, slipping under the warm covers. He gives Wedge as much space as he can out of courtesy, which leaves him a bit uncomfortably at the edge. It’s still better than the chair though, so he’s grateful. Wedge turns on his side, facing away, and Bodhi mirrors the position, trying to relax.

“Sleep well,” Bodhi says, shutting his eyes to try just that. The silence lasts for only a few minutes, with Bodhi resolutely sticking to his edge of the bed, before Wedge shifts more pointedly. Bodhi glances over his shoulder. Wedge reaches back for him without looking, fingers twisting in Bodhi’s shirt as he tugs him gently closer.

“Um…” But despite the soft, hesitant protest, Bodhi inches over until, if he wanted, he could touch his forehead between Wedge’s shoulders. If he wanted. If he does curl just a little closer, no one can blame him for it.

Wedge tugs Bodhi’s arm so it lays across him, sighing. “Just sleep, okay?”

He nods, the movement making his head brush against Wedge’s back. He stays there. “Yeah, okay.”

The last thing he hears before he drifts off is a soft, “And… thanks.”


	4. Jyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory Hoth bed sharing!

When Jyn arrives back on base it’s blatant to anyone who catches her scowl, that absence had certainly not made her heart grow fonder of Hoth. Flying in so late, to the icy world well below freezing, after a month of Jakku’s heat was never going to be a smooth transition, and Bodhi feels for her from the moment he meets her at the landing ramp.

“Remind me why I came back?” she jokes, shouldering her pack.

“For the company, I hope,” Bodhi takes a step closer and she immediately takes advantage, pressing forward for a hug. It says a lot about how cold she is, he thinks, laughing as he wraps his arms around her, unable to hide his relief that she has returned safe and on schedule. 

“Who do I have to kill for some food?” Jyn asks, still too caught up in leeching some of his warmth to step away. He doesn’t mind, just makes a speculative noise, propping his chin on the top of her head. 

“Probably a wampa at this hour.”

“A _what?_ ” 

Oh right, she’d missed out on the corridor incident while she was away. The one that lead to the discovery of their less than hospitable new neighbors. “Nevermind, just hope you never meet one. Do you need to debrief?”

“Rieekan can wait, at least until I get some of the sand out of my boots and some sleep.”

“Fair point, and lucky for you...and the wampa, honestly, I actually smuggled you out some leftovers from dinner. It might not be hot but it’ll be better than ration packs. Mostly... If you close your eyes.”

Jyn huffs a laugh against his shoulder, visibly bracing herself for the cold again as she backs off. “Lead the way then, unless you think it’d be warmer in the Falcon’s ‘guest room’?.”

“Hush you, or you _can_ stay on the Falcon,” Bodhi says, without any heat behind it, the joke worn enough by now to really irk him. “I’m sure Han would appreciate the company now that Leia’s finally lost her patience with him.”

Jyn rolls her eyes, pushing him toward the barracks door. “Did she ever really _have_ patience for him?”

Bodhi shrugs ambivalently, half amused and half aggrieved at running into one too many of their arguments. “Perhaps, just a tiny bit.”

They discuss Han and Leia’s squabbles and the other goings on around base as they walk, Bodhi filling her in on the newest drama with getting the speeders up and running. The tauntauns help get the patrols done alright, but no one expects them to be a permanent solution. 

In return, she tells him about the deserts of Jakku, and all the time she spent in the sun, pretending Hoth was just a bad dream. She had been caught up in some place called Cratertown, putting an old alias to use to get them an in with the man who ran the mining operations there. A simple assignment, but a long one nevertheless.

“The heat was terrible but at least I could feel my fingers.”

“Well, maybe if you wore gloves that actually covered them,” Bodhi teases, earning him a gentle nudge. When they finally reach the room Jyn sags a bit in relief, not even flinching at the delayed response of the frozen door mechanism. Bodhi lets her go in first and she reclaims her bed, the one she’d hardly had a chance to use before the mission took her away. Being roommates with her was something he never would have thought of on his own, knowing all too well how she values her boundaries, but with him she always seemed able to relax. She’d found him the first day they got to base and made herself at home, not a hint of hesitance in her choice, and that was that.

“Do you want me to try to heat the food?” Bodhi asks, unwrapping the plate he’d smuggled from the mess earlier. “I’m pretty sure I have a pyrocube in my emergency pack.”

“Will it help the taste at all?”

“Not really.” 

“Waste of time then.” Jyn sits forward, reaching out to accept the meager meal, digging in with enthusiasm, despite her misgivings. A month spent on ration packs and desert delicacies could make anything more appealing, it seems. While she eats Bodhi busies himself, tidying up the bit of her desk he’d taken over in her absence. He pushes aside schematics and holos, shuffling through his own drawers for the place to stash some of the more embarrassing holopics Luke’s snuck in. (Bodhi doesn’t have it in his heart to delete the ones of him and Cassian, even if the supposedly “smitten” looks they’ve been caught sharing are completely coincidental.)

By the time he’s through, Jyn is sliding the empty plate onto her bedside table, moving to stand with a groan. “I don’t want to but I have to hit the fresher if I don’t want to deal with half the sands of Jakku in my sheets.”

“Might keep you warmer, remembering all the nice hot deserts. Shame Luke saw this planet first, huh?” Bodhi teases, dodging the pillow Jyn aims at his head. She gathers her shower supplies up, zipping up her jacket again pointedly before she slips out the door. Bodhi sets her pillow back on her bed and gets himself ready for sleep. It’s far past his usual bedtime, and as worth it as it had been to wait up for Jyn, he can feel himself starting to fade. 

He shuffles into his pajamas as swiftly as he can before he slides into his bunk, trying not to recoil from the chilled surface of his sheets. The thick blanket he tugs up around himself helps enough that he can settle, shifting onto his side to get comfortable, at least by Hoth’s definition of the word. Despite his relatively cozy position he does try to stay awake, waiting for Jyn to come back, even if it is likely to mean her cursing out the day Luke Skywalker was born, for all the damn planets he could have chosen. _‘Next time, I’m picking the kriffing base,’_ an all too familiar phrase between them.

Bodhi smiles thinking about it, burying his face in the pillow, shutting his eyes just to wait for the swish of the door. He feels himself drifting off embarrassingly quickly, despite his best efforts, and it’s not until he hears Jyn rifling through her trunk that he wakes. He can’t have missed too much, he knows, glancing over at her in the now dimmed light of the room. She’s shifting things in the trunk, muttering frustrated curses under her breath, as if she’s lost something.

“Jyn?” She straightens up at the sound, hands on her hips before she appears to think better of it, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“Didn’t mean to wake you, just thought I had something warmer in here. It’s fine, I should just sleep.”

“You sure?” Bodhi asks, concern piquing despite his bleary thoughts.

“All good,” she waves him off. “Goodnight, Bodhi.”

“Night.” Bodhi curls back around his pillow, eyes sliding shut again. He hears Jyn climbing into bed, bunk springs creaking a bit before she settles with a sigh. Bodhi tries to go right back to sleep, tugging up the covers and shutting his eyes. He’s a good way there when the sound of Jyn’s teeth chattering becomes clear across the tiny expanse of their quarters. 

For all his teasing before, the fact that she hasn’t quite re-adapted to the cold is a real concern. He sits up and peers over in the dim light. Jyn is still but her body is tense, wracked with the occasional shiver. With how dead on her feet she’d been coming in she just might be able to sleep through the chill, but Bodhi hates seeing her discomforted. There isn’t much he can do about it… unless. 

As friendly as they are sleeping together isn’t exactly something they do, especially when there’s no mission to excuse it. If they bundle up together though, with the heat of both their blankets, they’re both bound to rest easier. Jyn’s teeth chatter again, and Bodhi stops second guessing himself. He grabs his blanket and pillow and makes his way over, quietly trying her name. “Jyn?”

She doesn’t wake, only curling into her blankets more. The cold is starting to seep through his socks, so Bodhi doesn’t hesitate longer, throwing his blanket over her. _I really hope she doesn’t have a blaster under her pillow_ , Bodhi thinks with finality, climbing into bed as quietly as he can. Gingerly resting along the line of her back, he tries to make himself comfortable, while at the same time barely touching her. Keeping distance is more difficult than anticipated, the scant room on the mattress proving impossible to work with. He rests a hand on her side for balance only to find an elbow suddenly jammed into his ribs.

He curses, scrambling away with a hiss of pain. 

“Bodhi?” Jyn’s distressed voice comes, hardly seconds after. She sits up, peering over the edge of the bed to see him. “Kriff, I’m so sorry, what are you doing over here?”

“Your teeth were chattering,” Bodhi says, feeling embarrassed more than anything. “I just thought...nevermind, I know I shouldn’t have without asking. I’m so sorry for waking you like that.”

He climbs to his feet, brushing himself off, and tries to think of a polite way to ask for his blanket back. Before he can though, she reaches out, her hand clasping his. “Don’t be sorry, Bodhi, I’m sorry I...have a tendency to be a defensive sleeper, I guess.”

She looks nearly as mortified as he feels, sheepishly glancing up at him. It’s terribly endearing, not that he’d ever tell her.

“It’s alright,” Bodhi insists honestly, understanding the instinct all too well, after all the things they’ve been through. She tugs on his hand, urging him a step closer.

“Get in then, before we both freeze.”

“I don’t have to, I could just go find you another blanket instead.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it wasn’t a _bad_ idea,” she lets go of his hand then, only to lift blanket pointedly. Bodhi gives in to the offer, clamoring to slide beneath them, sighing in relief at the warmth. Jyn slides back to make more room for him this time, making it easier not to fall off the edge.

“Thank you,” Bodhi says, fixing his pillow just so. Jyn shoves at his shoulder playfully when he tries not to take up too much space again, fixing him with a look. 

“This is only going to work on one condition, alright?”

“Oh yeah?” He waits for her to clue him in, willing to make any allowance for her comfort, eager to get them both back to sleep. 

“I get to be the big spoon.”

Bodhi rolls his eyes at her seriousness, biting back a smile. “I can live with that.”

Bodhi turns over, fighting not to get tangled in the blankets in the process. As soon as he’s on his side and facing the door, Jyn’s arm comes up around him, her face pressing between his shoulder blades. It’s nicer than he had expected, profoundly comforting to have her close and no longer chattering away.

“Good?” she whispers, muffled against his back. He hums in agreement, feels the steady pace of her breaths evening out and follows them, soothed and sleepy.

“Perfect.”

\---

Bodhi hears a noise and his first bleary instinct to move, to see who it is, is immediately thwarted by the feeling of Jyn squeezing him tighter. It takes effort to lift his head without dislodging her, enough to peek over her shoulder at the sight of-

“Cass?” Bodhi blinks in confusion, wondering for a long moment if he’s dreaming still. But in his dream they’d been far from Hoth, the real chill in the air breaking him of the notion. Cassian freezes in place by the desk, only moving to set down the tools he’d borrowed. The ones he’d bought Bodhi himself instead of getting new ones of his own. 

“I knocked, I hadn’t realized. I’ll just be going.” Cassian is clearly tense, awkward in a way Bodhi can’t quite understand. It’s not as if he hasn’t been in Bodhi’s room before but, _oh._ Jyn. Jyn who is pressed entirely against him still. It’s an intimate image, certainly, if not entirely compromising. Before Bodhi can say anything else Cassian is actually leaving, like he just said he would.

“Wait!” Bodhi can’t keep the worry from his voice, that Cassian is woefully misreading things. Bodhi manages to uncurl Jyn’s arms from around his waist, extracting himself just enough to sit up. Jyn wakes at the displacement, shooting Bodhi a glare before glancing over her shoulder. Cassian stills at Bodhi’s request and Bodhi tries to come up with some excuse to keep him.

“Cassian,” Jyn breaks in before Bodhi can, exasperated, but gentler than Bodhi anticipates. “Can’t a girl sleep in?”

“Of course, sorry for the intrusion.” Cassian’s words come quick and even, easy enough to give Bodhi pause. Because maybe _he’s_ the one reading into the reaction. Who’s to say Cassian’s even the slightest bit concerned with his love life? Not that cuddling with Jyn even _constitutes_ a love life.

“It’s fine, sorry. We were just up late,” Bodhi cringes internally, at his decidedly unhelpful wording, and tries to recover. “Jyn arrived late, I mean.”

Cassian nods, not quite meeting Bodhi’s eyes, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. Bodhi feels his stomach sink like a stone at his next words. “I understand.”

Bodhi opens his mouth, in spite of his self doubt, to explain that there’s nothing _to_ understand, when Jyn interjects again, effectively cutting him off.

“Jyn would still love to sleep more,” she says, words half muffled into her pillow, but still pointed enough to know that she’ll probably start elbowing him soon if he doesn’t move the conversation elsewhere. He’s strategizing how to get out of the bed without pushing Jyn off the mattress outright when-

“I’ll see you both later, then,” Cassian gives an awkward half wave over his shoulder, and he’s gone. Out the door before Bodhi can do anything about it.

Bodhi throws up his hands, flopping back down onto the mattress, staring up at the icy ceiling and silently screaming at what a mess he’s made of things in such a short time. He glances at Jyn and despite all her grouchy misgivings, she’s peering right back at him with the audacity to look _amused_. 

“On the bright side, maybe a bit of jealousy will get him to make a move?”

He pulls the pillow from under her head and thwacks her with it, ignoring her laughter as he crawls over her and out of the bed. He slides on boots and makes for the door, hoping, if he’s lucky, he can catch up with Cassian.


	5. Luke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By some miracle Luke is alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight description of Luke's condition/injuries after his duel with Vader on Bespin. Nothing graphic, just figured I'd give the heads up to be safe.

The first time Bodhi hears that Luke is back his feelings are... complicated. He’s _relieved_ , of course, after months of mourning his absence, curious as to just how Luke had survived so long on his own, and most of all pissed that Luke hadn’t even checked in before going on whatever damn Jedi crusade was so important. For all the serenity in the Force, Bodhi can’t hold back the feeling as he storms down to the medbay. With the details surrounding the Falcon’s sudden arrival tight Bodhi goes in not knowing what to expect, praying for the resilience that’s always seemed to come so easily to Luke. It’s a hope that collapses too quickly the moment Bodhi actually gets to see him. 

The medics have come and gone and Luke looks too small in the bed, half propped up and all alone. Leia must be around somewhere, Bodhi can’t imagine her leaving Luke alone for too long in his condition. Bodhi steps closer and Luke’s eyes stay shut, his breathing rough in spite of it, a fitful sleep that just won’t settle. He’s too pale, a deep scar just under his left eye marring his features, he looks exhausted and he’s clutching his wrist to his chest. There’s a strange cuff wrapped around it and all at once Bodhi feels like he might be sick. Sorrow and injustice well up inside Bodhi, to see Luke so hurt, so much a shell of what he was when he left. He’s lost a _hand._ Even the wampa attack hadn’t left him in such bad shape. 

Bodhi knows it’s not fair but he almost feels more frustrated for Luke’s state, the fact that he can’t even be properly angry with his heart so full of concern. The last thing he wants to do is cause Luke more pain, taking in his injuries and trying not to make a sound. He’s wondering if he should leave the room and spare the risk of waking Luke entirely, when suddenly Luke’s eyes are blinking open.

Bodhi stills, anxious to speak to him and yet unsure entirely of where to start, aching to have some explanation for the months of grief he’s carried. He stays silent, purposefully leaving Luke the option to rest more, if it’s what he needs. In defiance of the notion, Luke meets Bodhi’s eyes, his gaze already unmistakably guilty. He swallows hard before he speaks.

“Hey.” Luke’s voice is rough from disuse. Or _screaming,_ Bodhi’s mind supplies horrifyingly. Still, Bodhi clutches to normalcy in his mind, remembering how it felt to be treated like glass after Scarif. 

“ _Hey?_ Is that really all you have to say, Skywalker?” The try at their old banter fails more miserably than Bodhi could imagine. Luke flinches the moment the words are out, and Bodhi immediately hates himself for miscalculating. Whatever it is Luke’s been through has left him shaken, more than Bodhi’s ever seen him. 

“Luke,” Bodhi tries again, soft but still seeking, “what happened to you?”

“I can’t,” Luke says, the fingers of his remaining hand clenching and unclenching the fabric of his sheets. “I can’t talk about it.” 

Bodhi nods absently, unsure if it’s better to reach out or to leave him be. The stubborn part of him holds out, keeping Bodhi rooted to the spot, willing himself to just be there for Luke, however he can. There’s still a lot to be angry about but Bodhi just can’t muster it. It’s not about the answers, or the consequences, it’s about the fact that Luke has miraculously survived something so clearly devastating. The longer the silence stretches, the more on edge Luke appears again, breath hitching quietly.

“Alright, it’s alright,” Bodhi says, he glances over his shoulder, scanning the room for a chair. There isn’t one, and he could go ask a droid but he dismisses it completely at the thought of leaving Luke’s side. “Can I sit with you?” 

Bodhi gestures vaguely to empty space at the edge of the bed and Luke nods, shifting over with a wince.

“Easy,” Bodhi warns, sitting down, close but careful not to crowd Luke too much. Bodhi watches Luke and feels helpless, knowing whatever he’s been through can’t be fixed with words. Luke takes a deep breath, calming himself slowly, using techniques that Chirrut or Baze must have shown him. Bodhi wishes they were here now, certain they’d know what to do, something more than sitting around and waiting.

“Is Wedge alright?” is the first thing Luke asks, and Bodhi’s heart aches at the hesitancy in Luke’s voice. The answer feels more complicated than it should, and Bodhi isn’t sure how much of a right he has to share it, but he tries. 

“Wedge is… well, he’s alive, of course. He’s not here right now, not on _Home I_ , but I sent him a message as soon as I knew you were here.”

The implicit question Bodhi skirts is what Luke’s really asking. Of course, being Luke, he asks outright. “Do you think he’ll come?”

Bodhi’s heart sinks for the second time that day, not wanting to crush Luke’s spirits _or_ give him false hope. In the end he can’t help but be honest.

“It might-” Bodhi falters, considering his words. “He might need some time.” Luke takes the truth as if he’s braced for it, nodding once and swallowing hard. Bodhi continues, needing Luke to understand. “It’s been a rough few months without you, you know? We thought you were _dead_.”

The word burns in his throat and he has to focus to keep grounded, trying not to dwell in the months spent on edge, grieving and watching his friends grieve alike. He’ll never forget how broken Wedge had looked reading Luke’s name off the roster at the memorial service held after Hoth. 

“I know,” Luke breathes, desperation in the syllables. “I never meant to be gone for so long or to be out of contact. It just seemed like the only way. It _felt_ right.”

He sounds his age, a good few years younger than Bodhi, and it hurts to remember the fact. 

“It’s alright, or it will be at least,” Bodhi promises. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not disappointed. Even if I do sound a bit like my mother when I put it that way.” 

Where Bodhi had aimed for levity, Luke’s expression only seems to shutter more.

“If I ever have... I wouldn’t know,” Luke says quietly, the joke striking him differently somehow. “Growing up I was always going on and on about my father and the whole time-” Luke cuts himself off, the words dripping with sudden contempt. The unsaid torture of what Luke’s been through hangs suddenly heavier. 

“I wish I could tell you, I wish I could help. All I know is that no matter who you might be like, you’re still my best friend,” Bodhi says, picking up what threads he can to try and soothe his friend. 

“You might change your mind about that if you knew,” Luke murmurs dryly, hardly making sense. It hurts Bodhi as much as it infuriates him, that after everything they’ve been through, Luke believes that could even be _possible_.

“Nope, absolutely not. You’re strong and infuriatingly noble because of _you_ , nobody else, and I won’t listen to you put yourself down by doubting my friendship of all things. Whenever you’re ready to tell me what happened I can promise you; I’ll feel exactly the same. Surely you must know that.”

Bodhi stares Luke down, daring him to argue, until it finally seems like a bit of the pain fades from Luke’s eyes, his tense shoulders relaxing a bit, if not completely. “Thank you, Bodhi. I wish I could tell you everything but…”

“There’s time,” Bodhi reminds him gently, “assuming you’re not planning on running off again any time soon?”

“Not without telling you first, at least,” Luke smiles, and it’s fragile still, but honest. 

“You better,” Bodhi breathes, some of the tightness in his chest finally easing, for the first time in too long. There are still losses to cope with, things he can’t quite bring himself to ask Luke about. Like the fact that Han didn’t come back with the rest. All Bodhi can do is hope for something better than the worst, and that after all the briefings and tactical meetings that have kept them away since they landed, Leia and Cassian will fill him in. 

It feels strange to think that Cassian has been away just as long as Luke, and that in all that time, Bodhi had never let himself doubt that Cassian was alive. Even stranger, and more painful, to know that it probably won’t be the last time they’re apart for so long. Bodhi’s been through it too many times to count, building up an endurance of faith bit by bit, hoping someday Cassian might understand just what the impossible pull between them could become. If they could only stay still and follow it, just once.

With each loss and setback it feels more painful to ignore, to be apart from him, and yet...it’s still frustratingly never the _time_ for it. Not even to think of it, really, especially not now, when Luke is exhaustedly pressing his face into Bodhi’s shoulder. All Bodhi can do is lean closer, careful of Luke’s injuries as he adjusts them both, until Luke is curled against his chest and breathing easier. 

Bodhi knows he’s not the one Luke really wants to be curled up with either but...he still can’t bring himself to blame Wedge for staying away. It doesn’t mean he won’t try to talk him around to at least seeing Luke, the next chance he gets to comm. With that resolve, Bodhi shuts his own eyes, turning his face into the softness of Luke’s hair and accepting the gift of quiet for what it is, a chance to wake up to something better. (Or at the very least, nothing imminently _worse._ )

Hours later, with all the room lights dimmed, he catches the outline of Cassian at the bedside, curled in a chair he’d procured from who knows where, and is glad to be proven right.


	6. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all the fighting is finally through Bodhi finds himself alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [colettebronte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/colettebronte/pseuds/colettebronte) for beta'ing! <3

With the remnants of the Empire scattered to the wind, to stars where they can no longer reach the New Republic’s heart, Bodhi’s life slows down faster than he ever expected. Where once his mornings were filled with errands, repairs, comm calls and too brief reunions, now he has... _breakfast_. With real fruit, grown in his own garden, and neighbors who will always be there the next morning, Force willing, if they can all manage to keep this new peace alive.

It’s something beautiful, so vastly different from the life he’s led so far, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a little bit terrifying at first. Navigating a sea of new possibilities, he finds himself back at the start, or close to it, settling down in a small bungalow on Yavin 4. In the shadow of the temple and trees, he finds a place where he can live a quiet, simple life. The kind of life he’d never imagined in a million years he’d ever have a chance at. One that, on his tougher days, he’s still not sure he’s earned. It’s hard to get used to, and maybe the feeling will never fade completely, but eventually, whether it’s deserved or not, he comes to call it home. 

It’s more than some of his friends have, less than some of them want, in a widening galaxy where the limits are no longer barred. Jyn takes to the stars, a luxury she’s never really had, growing up shuffled from one fortress to another. Being a captain suits her well, and it’s only by some small miracle of good taste that she didn’t steal the Falcon from under Han out of spite when she went. He’d been scared for a while, that the tight hug she gave him at the spaceport really was a goodbye, more scared than any time he’d seen her off in battle. But then she’d shown up a month later to a party at the Damerons’ place, and proceeded to sleep the hangover off on Bodhi’s couch, for the apparent _week_ that took, putting his worries thoroughly to rest.

Baze and Chirrut leave too, not to become pirates or anything quite as scandalous as Jyn’s exploits, but instead to go back to their roots. To Jedha. When they tell Bodhi, he can’t help the hitch in his breathing, the way everything suddenly feels far away, until Baze squeezes his shoulder. It’s not a permanent stay, Baze explains, as gently as he can, clarifying that it’s not a futile effort. The moon is still in atrophy, the storms impassible at times, unlivable and nothing like it once was. Luke had been there once, years ago, and he hadn’t told Bodhi the details out of kindness, but that didn’t stop Bodhi from reading the mission report. (Bodhi shut himself away for a day afterwards, allowing himself only that much grief, before returning to his duties.)

The thought of going there himself is unfathomable, and yet that’s exactly what Chirrut asks, carefully, if it’s something Bodhi would want to do with them. It takes everything not to let his guilt turn in on itself, to push himself to go, out of some sense of duty, and it’s with that weight to the answer, that Bodhi declines. While he loves them both, loves Jedha _still_ , he can’t. He tells them as much, braces himself for all the disappointment to follow, and instead finds only understanding in the calm touch of Chirrut’s hand on his own and the fond embrace from Baze that closely follows it.

“Sometimes,” Chirrut says to him with his usual air of knowing, “we have to say goodbye in our own way.”

Baze ignores the slice of opaque wisdom, giving a gentle huff. He pulls back and looks Bodhi in the eyes seriously. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sick of this old fool in no time and we’ll be back.”

Bodhi has no doubt they will be; that Jedha, and whatever other places draw the two along the way, won’t be able to tempt them away for good. Knowing that makes it easier not to feel so lost, the same way Jyn coming back now and then does, and he can’t help but wish he had that same clarity when it came to certain others.

It wasn’t that Bodhi was really surprised but it still stung all the same when he realized the fight wasn’t over for Cassian yet. The shame of it was that, for a little while, Bodhi really let himself hope it might be. They were both alive, and that was impossible enough, and it was _after_ , if Cassian wanted it to be.

Bodhi really wanted it to be. 

\---

Cassian accepted a new assignment from Mon Mothma and Bodhi realized that some things might never change, no matter how much he wanted them to. With his wild hopes stalled in one fell swoop all he could do was to hope the heartbreak didn’t show on his face. He owed Cassian that much.

“That’s…that’s great,” Bodhi forced out, aware that he had to say _something_. The words rang hollow to his own ears, to Cassian’s too, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by. Bodhi hated the pity but he tried to play it off, refusing to look away as Cassian continued.

“I wasn’t looking for the job, but… she asked for me. She thinks I’m right for it.”

“They must really need you, just like they always have,” Bodhi acquiesced, the words as close to approval as he could muster at that moment. He was still reeling and trying not to show it.

“It seems that way,” Cassian looked grateful for Bodhi’s attempt at understanding. “Of course it’s---”

“Classified, right?” Bodhi cut him off, knowing all too well how it went, how it always was when Cassian left. This time felt different though, reality sinking in painfully, that everything he’d let himself naively hope for was never going to happen.

“Something like that,” Cassian answered after a beat, the words purposefully gentle. He looked at Bodhi like he understood, and in a way that made matters worse. Cassian knew him too well, and now he was trying to let Bodhi down easy. Bodhi swallowed hard, reminding himself that he really had no right to be upset. Cassian still had things to do, plans ahead that Bodhi just couldn’t factor into. The same holding pattern they’d always had, the one that used to feel like such a comfort, now only made Bodhi feel foolish for believing so long that it might break.

It wasn’t as if he and Cassian were ever actually a couple, there were no promises between them, no time for romantic notions. Bodhi was desperate not to resent Cassian for being the same resolute man he’d always been. 

They were never going to be like the rest of the couples in the fleet, those who rushed off overzealously to get married right on Endor. Even Luke and Wedge had been caught up in it, finding their way back to each other after surviving so much. Bodhi had been a witness to the short ceremony, listened to Han and Lando bicker over who got to officiate, and then finally the simple exchange of vows. Throughout the whole exchange he’d missed Cassian fiercely, knowing there was no way he’d even have a chance to visit Endor before the evacuation and making impossible promises in his mind all the same. Afterwards, Bodhi sat by the fire, surrounded by friends and celebration as he drowned out the mess of his feelings with moonshine. 

He hadn’t seen Cassian in the flesh until weeks after the battle, and by the time he did, Bodhi had lost his nerve, unable to ignore the duties still ahead of them all. The war was winding down but it wasn’t finished. _After,_ Bodhi promised himself again.

It had taken close to a year just to get this far; sitting across from Cassian in a café. So close to actually asking Cassian for what he wanted. After witnessing the surrender of the Empire and the reforging of the Republic, Bodhi had only just started to believe it was alright to step back and breathe. And of course, he was too late. He was always too late when it came to saving the important things.

“I know that I’ll be stationed offworld, in the outer rim to start,” Cassian said, still trying to keep the conversation going and sounding forced, clearly uncomfortable with Bodhi’s obvious disappointment. Bodhi hated making him sound that way. Cassian was doing the kind thing, stepping back without asking for anything, and Bodhi was ruining it. Bodhi tried to hide it better, to look Cassian in the eyes and to be happy for him. 

“That’s great, you never did like core life, did you?”

“Neither do you.” Cassian left the words to hang.

“I really don’t,” Bodhi agreed, still feeling unmoored. “Doubt I’ll stick around much longer either.”

Cassian nodded, reaching across the table to cover Bodhi’s hand with his own. It felt greedy to accept the touch, but Bodhi didn’t pull away. 

“As long as you’re happy, okay?” Cassian spoke as if the words meant everything. Bodhi didn’t know what to say, how to explain what he was feeling without making matters difficult. He flipped his palm to intertwine his fingers with Cassian’s, in one last selfish moment. Just in case he didn’t get the chance to again.

“As long as you stay safe,” Bodhi answered quietly. Cassian took a deep breath then, his eyes falling from Bodhi’s face to their clasped hands. 

“Deal.” 

It wasn’t quite a promise, it couldn’t be with their futures so uncertain, but Bodhi took it to heart all the same. He didn’t know how just yet but he would try to be happy, for both their sakes. 

Eventually Cassian pulled his hand away, or maybe Bodhi did first, but the moment broke nevertheless. They parted soon after.

Bodhi watched Cassian’s retreating back for as long as he could until the crowd ahead swallowed the sight. What Bodhi hated the most was how much he couldn’t blame Cassian at all for his choice, no matter how much it cost him personally. Cassian would always be the brave one, and Bodhi would be left behind, too aware of his own limits to pretend anything else was possible now. He had to fight not to let the self depreciation sink in, to remember what his therapist had been reiterating ad infinitum; that after going through so much it wasn’t a crime to feel tired. Even if it felt like a mistake to let him go, Bodhi couldn’t deny himself a life anymore, even if it wasn’t the one he had hoped for. 

When the opportunity to settle on his own came Bodhi took it, and that was that.

\---

Their parting wasn't so bad, all things considered, nothing maudlin or overwrought. On the day that Bodhi was set to leave to go build a new home on the settlement on Yavin IV, Cassian showed up at his door. Bodhi let him in and together they packed up the scant remainder of Bodhi’s belongings. The quarters had already been fairly empty and by the end, the only sign he’d lived there at all was his and Jyn’s names etched on the underside of the bunk above his own, committed to the surface by her in a drunken act of friendship. More than the place itself Bodhi knew he would miss those times. From what he could tell, Cassian’s departure from base was nearly as imminent as his own. Not that Cassian disclosed any details on the matter, no hints about his destination or what work was awaiting him there. In a strange way Bodhi was grateful not to know, to keep his worries abstract and at bay for as long as possible.

Cassian stayed with him all day and Bodhi didn’t question it, glad to accept the unspoken gift. They made the rounds together and Bodhi said his goodbyes to friends and acquaintances alike, until finally they were at the spaceport just waiting for Bodhi’s shuttle to board. There was no more putting off the inevitable pain of parting.

Standing before Cassian in the crowded terminal Bodhi finally dared to tug Cassian into a hug. To his surprise, Cassian clung just as tight, as if savoring their final moment of closeness.

“I’ll miss you,” Bodhi admitted, the bare minimum when it came to the breadth of his heartache.

“Me too. I’ll see you though...it’s not...” Cassian trailed off, caught at a rare loss for a moment before he continued. “This is something good.”

“I know,” Bodhi cut in, burying a nod in his shoulder. Cassian’s arms tightened around him and Bodhi took a deep breath. Holding it together just barely, and desperate not to show it, he let go. 

When his boarding number was called Bodhi went without fanfare, only looking over his shoulder once to see that Cassian was still standing there, watching him walk away. It had taken everything for Bodhi not to run back to him, to make things worse by asking for too much. He _would_ see Cassian again. For both their sakes he hoped that by the time he did maybe things would be easier.

That night he settled into his brand new bed and slept soundly under foreign stars, exhaustion far outweighing the fear of being alone.


	7. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian visits and Bodhi pines for impossible things. (Maybe, just maybe, Cassian does too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [colettebronte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/colettebronte/pseuds/colettebronte) for beta'ing! <3 Also thank you to anyone who has been following along with this fic!

It’s six months before Cassian comms, six months that Bodhi has learned to be happy with what he has and what it means to truly relax for more than one stolen moment at a time. Cassian comms, asking to stay with Bodhi, just for a couple of nights. The memorial ceremony at the old temple base is as good a reason as any for Cassian to resurface, as much as it feels strange for the spy to be making time for such a thing. He agrees quickly, grateful to have someone close, with the anniversary of the first Death Star’s destruction and all the concurrent losses that had led up to it looming. Bodhi’s nerves toward seeing Cassian again nearly outweigh the familiar grief that comes around this time each cycle. 

The whole team has been invited to the ceremony of course, but Cassian is the only one to make contact. Bodhi knows he could reach out to the others too, if only to give himself and Cassian some buffer, but intruding on their lives just to remind them of the anniversary feels selfish.

Bodhi knows that they’ve kept busy in ways far more exciting than he has. Jyn was running private security the last he heard, or maybe that was just a ploy to rob some black market kingpin blind, one could never be certain with Jyn. Baze and Chirrut were on the other side of the galaxy too, seeking the Force in the far reaches. (They still manage to keep Bodhi updated on their adventures and seeing Baze’s begrudging face, contrasted with Chirrut’s unending amusement on each new world, has come to be a monthly highlight.)

Bodhi’s happy for them, genuinely, but it leaves him with only one option; to face up to Cassian alone and pray they manage to find their footing together again. Something that would probably be easier if he could just stop worrying over nothing. The evening Cassian is set to arrive Bodhi forces himself not to pace in his living room, not to re-straighten up the house for the umpteenth time, while he waits for Cassian’s ship to land. The weather has no sympathy for his plans, a summer storm rolling in steadily while he waits. By the time Cassian comms it hasn’t lessened one bit and Bodhi has no choice but to set out in it. 

Even under the circumstances, Bodhi has to admit that the rain is a welcome shift from the overbearing humidity of the past few days, the ride brief enough that the poncho saves him from the worst of it. What it can’t possibly save him from, however, is the sight of Cassian crossing the landing pad to greet him, his hair soaked and falling into his eyes where it’s grown out. Cassian smiles and that’s all it takes for Bodhi’s heart to flip in his chest, overeager with all the traitorous hope he thought he’d sworn off. He tamps it down, as casually he can, to smile back and wave.

“Sorry, I only have the bike,” Bodhi blurts, speaking loudly over the rain in an awkward greeting. “I have another poncho but-”

“My pack is waterproof, don’t worry,” Cassian fills in, fixing the strap on his shoulder, looking fond and beautiful as ever, even amidst the deluge. “Thanks for coming out in all this to get me.”

“Of course. Better get on then, don’t want to drown you completely.”

Cassian doesn’t need to be asked twice, climbing on behind Bodhi, pressing against his back as if they do this every day. His arms wrap around Bodhi’s waist, warm and certain, and Bodhi has to make a concerted effort to focus on steering them away from the hangar. It really is lucky that he doesn’t live so far, compartmentalizing all the while as they go, reminding himself that it’s just Cassian. Seeing him again, safe and sound, is a relief worth all the awkwardness in the world, even if it takes Bodhi a while to adjust. The years of experience he has dancing around these particular feelings should be more than enough to get him through it, _right?_

Bodhi isn’t entirely confident, but he pushes past the doubt, eager not to make a fool of himself just yet. He parks the speeder bike in his garage, missing the warmth of Cassian instantly as they both clamor off and inside the house. Clear of the elements, Bodhi strips off his poncho and fusses over Cassian, rushing to get them both towels and some caf started while he’s at it. They both change out of wet clothes before Bodhi gives Cassian a simplistic tour of his home. As time goes on the familiarity of Cassian’s company edges out Bodhi’s worries, bit by bit. 

Cassian seems _happy_ , and it’s something that shouldn’t feel so jarring to notice, but the war had been hard on them both for too long to ever get used to such a thing. 

“We didn’t even really say hello yet, did we?” Bodhi realizes.

“Not really,” Cassian chuckles, his knee knocking against Bodhi’s under the table. “Hello.”

Bodhi smiles, toying with the handle of his mug. “How have you been? Really, I mean.”

Because, past all the pleasantries and light conversation, Bodhi can’t help but wonder, knowing just how good of an actor Cassian can be when he wants to. 

“I’m good. _Really,_ ” he emphasizes. “The work I’m doing is...”

Bodhi braces himself for half-truths, reminding himself to be fair. “Still classified?”

“No, not at all. It’s... different from all that. From anything I’ve done before.”

“You enjoy it?”

“More than I expected to,” Cassian admits, “I’ve spent a lot of time in the outer rim, helping out with all the new planetary governments. Making sure the people elected aren’t secretly trying to rebuild the Empire or just generally being evil.”

“Oh, um, have any of them been?”

“So far no. Some are still wary of the Republic, but nobody is staging a coup just yet. Mostly it’s good people trying to rebuild.” 

Bodhi nods, feeling glad and oddly off guard, unsure of what he could possibly say about his own past months twiddling his thumbs that could be close to the good work Cassian’s putting in. He tries to tamp down the old feelings of inadequacy, the foolish fear that Cassian will somehow be disappointed. Cassian must notice something, prompting Bodhi gently nonetheless. “And you?”

“Am _I_ secretly evil?” Bodhi deflects, earning himself an eye roll. “Oh, well, that depends on who you ask. I _did_ get Poe a miniature synthtone for Life Day, so Shara and Kes might not speak so kindly of me.”

“I’ll make a note not to let you get elected to any local government.”

Bodhi grins, shrugging unapologetically. He still can’t quite answer the real question Cassian’s asked, so instead, he busies himself with refilling both their mugs. Anything to stop himself from staring outright, still reeling in the fact that Cassian’s at his table, sharing the details of his life so transparently while Bodhi evades. “Probably for the best,” he interjects as he pours. “I’ll just keep my constituency to my vegetable patch, thank you very much.”

“You have a garden?” Cassian asks, like it's a novel concept instead of something every retired spacer takes up as a hobby. 

“Trying to at least, with very varying degrees of success. The meilooruns should be ripe enough to pick by now, I think?” Bodhi gives a half shrug, unsure if he’s actually gotten the dates right, willing to chalk a few missteps up to the learning curve. “If the weather isn’t so unruly tomorrow I’ll show you round.” 

“I’d like that,” Cassian answers. It’s such a casual offer, and yet that makes it feel all the more important somehow, the knowledge that Cassian could be anywhere in the galaxy doing more important things but he’s _here_. And he wants to see Bodhi’s garden. Bodhi can’t bite down a quiet laugh of disbelief. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What is it?” Cassian asks eyes crinkling at the corners as if he’s already in on the joke. It makes him appear a little older and worlds softer, and it’s a good look on him, of course.

“Nothing,” Bodhi shakes his head, occupying his hands by smoothing out his napkin on the table. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

It gets easier from there, not to overthink quite so much, reminding himself not to waste this time for both their sakes. Conversation flows like it always used to between them, as if it never stopped. Bodhi provides the brunt of the chatter while Cassian offers his own bursts intermittently. Bodhi tells Cassian all about his neighbors in the village, how he’s found himself fussed over by nearly every one of them at some point or another. Bodhi had never expected to fit in so well here but Cassian doesn’t seem surprised by the fact in the slightest. 

“You’ve earned it,” Cassian insists with sincerity. Bodhi brushes it off with a wave of his hand, biting down on all the self-deprecating words that might follow.

“It just feels like the right place to be. I’m still not quite sure what to do with myself but for some reason they let me stick around anyway.”

“Of course they do Bodhi, they’d be fools not to want you around.” The irony of hearing those words come from Cassian makes his heartache, just a little bit. Bodhi _isn’t_ overthinking things though, he reminds himself, filling the pause of silence with another tangent before he can break that promise to himself.

Cassian shares more pieces of his own life in return. 

“I do have my own place back in the capital but being stationed all over I’m hardly ever there. I keep telling Leia it’s wasted on me. Jyn and Kay get more use out of it than I do these days,” he smiles. “Not that I ever officially shared my access codes.”

“Asking has never exactly been their style, has it?” Bodhi laughs, shaking his head.

“Especially not when you get the two of them together,” Cassian says with warmth. “They’ve made a pretty good partnership of it though after Kay got bored with all my quiet recon work.”

It’s the first Bodhi has heard of the pair traveling together and it makes him feel relieved, knowing that at least if Jyn gets in too deep or falls off the grid she at least has someone to cover her. He’s surprised that Kay left Cassian to his own devices but Bodhi takes it as a good sign, more proof that Cassian’s daily life truly has become mundane. 

“I pity anyone who comes up against the two of them, their bickering alone must be enough to subdue a hutt.”

Cassian agrees with an exaggeratedly put upon look, “Now you see why I don’t go back so often.”

“I nearly asked them here this weekend,” Bodhi admits. “It’s been a long time since we were all together, hasn’t it?”

“I’m sure you prefer your own place over bunkmates stealing your blankets,” Cassian teases, the weight of old misunderstandings nowhere to be found. It would take so little to joke back, to turn the words on their edge and make an offer of it. Bodhi’s already sharing his blankets though, can see them piled on the sofa just past the doorway of the kitchen, and Cassian didn’t even have to steal them. 

“Sometimes I even miss that.” Bodhi smiles.

The long day is just catching up with him, and it must be with Cassian too, as he sits with his chin resting on his fist. Bodhi suggests they call it a night and Cassian takes the cue, stretching in his chair before he gets up to follow him into the living room. Looking at the blankets on the couch, Bodhi can’t help but feel suddenly self-conscious, wishing he had a guest room to offer up instead. 

“This is nice,” Cassian says, cutting off Bodhi’s doubts before he can apologize for the makeshift accommodations. Cassian turns down the covers, toying with the edge of the intricate quilt Jyn had gifted Bodhi the last time she visited. Bodhi could launch into the story, quell a bit of the anxiousness he can’t seem to break from, but then Cassian is coming closer, stepping into his space in a way that makes his intentions clear. He brushes a hand along Bodhi’s elbow, tugging him into a full-fledged embrace. 

It’s like Bodhi remembers and yet not at all, the smell of dried rain still present in Cassian’s hair when he tucks his head against Bodhi’s shoulder. Bodhi breathes it in with a sigh, wrapping himself around Cassian in kind. Bodhi shuts his eyes, anxiety melting away, unhindered in a way he hasn’t felt all day. He lingers too long, but Cassian does too, so much so that Bodhi wonders for a moment if he’s fallen asleep in Bodhi’s arms.

“You must be exhausted,” Bodhi says quietly, taking a tentative step back because he has to. It isn’t fair to either of them to build this up and fall into old habits, no matter how much Bodhi wants to. Cassian must come to the same conclusion, straightening up to let Bodhi go with a rueful smile.

“Goodnight Bodhi,” he says and Bodhi returns the sentiment, heading down the hall to his own bedroom, leaving Cassian to change and get some sleep. The door clicks shut behind him and Bodhi flops down onto his bed with a sigh, feeling restless despite the late hour. He turns off his light all the same, trying his best to settle, tossing off his shirt in an attempt to get more comfortable. 

It would be easier if he could just stop considering all the ways he’s probably screwing things up with Cassian. Bodhi wonders how long it will be before he sees him again once the ceremony is all over and done with, how long it will take for his heart to cooperate and get over the past. The thought makes his chest ache, making it impossible to fall asleep. 

Staring at the ceiling he resigns himself to a long night, waiting there until he’s certain Cassian has had enough time to fall asleep before he slips out of bed again, not bothering to put his shirt back on. As quietly as possible he heads back down the hall, hoping some fresh air might help. If not, the garden was a better view than his own ceiling at least. Passing the living room he chances a glance over to the couch, pausing in confusion when he finds it empty. 

With no sound coming from the fresher or the kitchen, and with scarce other options, save for the garage Bodhi sighs, realizing he’s been beaten to his own hiding spot. He edges a step closer to the backdoor, just able to make out Cassian’s shape on the porch swing. 

“Cass?” Bodhi prompts quietly as not to startle him, an amusing consideration to take when he’s fairly certain Cassian hasn’t been truly startled in all the time they’ve known each other. 

“Hey,” Cassian replies easily. As Bodhi focuses he realizes Cassian has stripped down for bed, now only wearing boxers and a loose tee. The sight of him looking so comfortable, his guard down as if it’s been forgotten, makes Bodhi’s skin heat. 

“I thought you’d be asleep by now,” Bodhi admits. “Everything okay?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise. Just not as tired as I thought,” Cassian shrugs. “Could ask you the same thing.”

Cassian tilts his head in invitation towards the empty seat beside him. Bodhi pauses, leaning in the doorway still. Stalling, if he’s being honest with himself. 

“Had a bit too much caf I think,” Bodhi lies, “Figured I’d get some air.”

“Didn’t mean to steal your spot,” Cassian says gently, picking up on Bodhi’s hesitation. “I could go back in if you want, it is your place after all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Bodhi dismisses the consideration, the words serving as a reminder to get past his own stubborn insecurities as he pushes off the doorway and steps onto the porch. He joins Cassian on the swing, seated close by the necessity of the space. Bodhi would be lying if he didn’t wonder if it was a mistake, for just a moment.

“You sure?” Cassian asks, reading into Bodhi’s stillness too deftly. Bodhi knows Cassian would leave in a heartbeat if he asked, he also knows that’s the opposite of what he wants, no matter how complicated his emotions might be. Bodhi gently nudges Cassian’s shoulder with his own, hoping to provide some equilibrium between them. 

“You’re not that bad company,” Bodhi insists. Cassian smiles and Bodhi finally feels able to relax. The quiet chirping of insects and the rustle of the leaves are the only sounds for miles, part of what he loves about living here. The far off familiar light of Yavin Prime sets a familiar soft glow over everything. 

“I was just looking at your garden,” Cassian admits. “It’s beautiful.”

“I have Kes to thank for most of it, without his help it’d all be shriveled up by now. It’s not as if I got much experience gardening on Jedha.” 

He can say the name out loud now, can remember the parts of his past there without flinching, at least most of the time.

“Not much opportunity for it on Fest either,” Cassian reminds him, still looking out into the green. _That’s why you’re so easily impressed by it,_ Bodhi thinks, but doesn’t give voice to the words. Cassian doesn’t say anything more either, seemingly satisfied to sit and humor Bodhi as he pushes his feet against the porch, giving the swing the slightest sway back and forth. The quiet between them grows more comfortable in the darkness, simpler than it had been across the kitchen table. They share the night air with a complete lack of expectations. Maybe that’s why it feels okay to relax, so much so that, after a while, he finds himself resting his head on Cassian’s shoulder. He’s still not tired, not really, but he’s calm. He can imagine more nights like this if Cassian really chose to stay, but he knows better.

Incongruously, almost as soon as the thought passes, Cassian’s fingers tangle with his, and Bodhi’s heart is set thumping hard again. It’s late and Cassian looks lovely in the moonlight, and Bodhi allows it, thinking of it as a compromise. It’s not so hard when Cassian is the one so blatantly reaching out. Denying Cassian now would do nothing to change how Bodhi feels, how he’s felt nearly every day since they met. 

Bodhi thinks of Cassian alone on some distant planet, working as hard as ever, and he thinks of himself, and he wonders if a few quiet moments like this one could suffice for them both. Was Cassian even looking to settle down with anyone else at this point? Or was he like Bodhi these days, just grateful to keep going, thwarting the occasional blind date and not regretting it, because he simply couldn’t fathom explaining or reshaping his life around anyone new when he’d spent so much just to keep it. He wants to ask outright, blurting out a question just shy of it instead.

“Have you really been without Kay all this time?” Because if Cassian had anything close to a support system Kay was it. The latter half of the question Bodhi asks quieter, “Or...anyone?”

“Not all of it,” Cassian admits, his thumb stills where it had been rubbing against Bodhi’s palm but he doesn’t pull away. “Kay stuck around for the first two months, when we were still really in the thick of things. Once it became more about diplomacy and less about blaster fights well, you know how Kay is.”

Bodhi nods, smiling in spite of himself at the memory of how much of a menace Kay could be when he was bored. 

“After he left it wasn’t as if I needed a new partner,” Cassian continued, “It’s been good for me I think, to get comfortable just being myself for a while. Helping people instead of fulfilling objectives. Not sure how much more use there is for the work now that things are finally settling but it hasn’t been bad.”

It’s more candid than Bodhi expects, taking the question in a direction far from his initial aim. The admission that Cassian might be done with the assignment soon is something he can’t unpack right now, but it doesn’t pass his notice.

“I’m glad then,” Bodhi says, for lack of anything more substantial than the truth. Cassian hums in agreement, the air hushed around them. He squeezes Bodhi’s hand once before disengaging.

“I think all the hyperspace travel is actually catching up with me now,” Cassian admits, and Bodhi takes the hint, hoping sleep will come easier for them both this time. They go back inside and it feels harder to walk away this time, watching as Cassian fixes the blankets to lie down. _Kriff it,_ he thinks.

“Sleep with me?” Bodhi asks, skin heating at his own abrupt phrasing.

Cassian pauses where he’d been turning down the covers to fix Bodhi with a look. Bodhi can tell he’s actually tired now, from the slow pace of his blinks before he answers.

“If you really think that’s…” Cassian pauses, nodding instead, realizing that Bodhi wouldn’t _ask_ if he didn’t want to. “Okay.”

Cassian follows Bodhi down the hall and they get into bed without any further fuss. Bodhi lies on his back where he’s most comfortable, watching Cassian in glances as he settles in under the shared covers, close but not touching. With Cassian he feels _safe_ , shutting his eyes and clinging to the feeling. He thinks maybe this will be something to talk about tomorrow, but still, he doesn’t regret it. Cassian stays just as still at first, long enough that Bodhi is sure he’s asleep. Bodhi drifts on his own, almost out entirely, when Cassian’s hand covers his own.

“I’m glad you found this place, after everything,” Cassian says, quiet, almost like a secret. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t with you.” 

Bodhi considers feigning sleep but Cassian has to know. Without opening his eyes he answers. “Don’t apologize. I understand why you couldn’t,” he tries, “why you _can’t_ just drop everything for me.”

Cassian is quiet for a long moment, long enough that Bodhi thinks his words will be the end of it before Cassian finally speaks again. 

“I understand too, why you turned me down.” It takes a moment for Bodhi to process the words, but once he does, all thoughts of sleep are gone in a heartbeat. 

“I did _what?_ ” Bodhi blurts out eloquently, any ease he’d felt before replaced with drowsy confusion. He watches Cassian, captivated by the rare uncertainty of his expression.

“When I told you I was leaving, I was trying to ask you to come with me,” Cassian’s brow furrows and he refuses to meet Bodhi’s eyes, his profile in relief where it meets the moonlight. “You had to have known.”

Bodhi opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again when he finds the words to respond. “Cassian, I had no idea. How could I? You didn’t _ask._ ”

“I knew you wanted out of the core and I thought, if we were together, maybe we could find a place we both liked. That’s why I took the assignment in the first place.”

Cassian says it as if it isn’t everything Bodhi has ever wanted, and it leaves him restless, unwinding the past six months of his life back to that moment.

“Why did you tell me it was classified?” Bodhi asks plaintively.

“You assumed and then you cut me off before I could explain. I thought it was because you’d guessed or Kay had let something slip. I didn’t want to push.” 

“I thought you were letting me down easy,” Bodhi says, and then adds more quietly, “I was so scared I’d never really see you again once you left, I imagined the less I knew the less it would hurt somehow.” 

“Bodhi,” Cassian breathes, squeezing Bodhi’s hand. “I didn’t know. I thought you wanted a clean break, that I’d waited too long and missed my chance. I deserved that for not telling you how I felt sooner, making you wait all those years when we could have had something.”

“We did have something,” Bodhi insists, unsure if he should laugh or cry. “We still do. I’m still in love with you.” He prays that the assurance will avoid any further misunderstanding, unsure if his heart can take it, he leans in with a final promise. “You’ll always have a chance with me, if you want it.”

Cassian closes the distance between them and his kiss answer enough, soft and pleading all at once. Bodhi takes everything he’s ever dreamed of and wraps it up into the press of lips, hand curving over Cassian’s waist to keep him close.

“I want it,” Cassian breathes between them when they part. “Just to be clear this time, I love you too.” 

It’s only been six months, but at the same time it’s also been _years_ that he’s waited to hear Cassian say those words. Bodhi presses his face into Cassian’s neck, pressing kisses to his pulse just to ground himself against the overwhelming lightness he feels. Kriff, they’ve both been so stupid and Bodhi doesn’t think he’ll ever be happier to admit that fact. They’ll laugh about it, shake off the months apart like they always have in the past, and they’ll live.

Cassian presses a kiss to Bodhi’s hair and there’s nothing more to say, tangled in each other's arms they finally get some sleep. 


End file.
